Going through a break-up can be one of the most painful emotional experiences humans can have. It can take years before you stop experiencing the daily grief, anger and memories related to the loss. While there is no magic pill that will make it all go away instantly, here are some ways you can support the process, manage the pain and move on.
Remove Reminders
- Go No-Contact. It can be tempting to hold on to your ex in lesser ways – to want to stay in touch, remain friends, or pursue closure. These are rarely good ideas, because they keep you chasing and hoping for a repair in the relationship that will never come. Don’t be afraid to block your ex on social media. Avoid opportunities to run into them in-person. Get support & accountability from your friends or family.
- Hide Mementos. Remove any significant reminders of your ex, especially sentimental things like gifts and photos. Redecorate your living space to give yourself a fresh change of scenery.
Create Emotional Distance
- Get in touch with your pre-relationship past. You had a life before your relationship, and you were probably just fine. Go through your old box (or virtual file folder) of photos, drawings, letters & spend some time reminiscing about your life 5, 10 or even 20 years before the relationship. Catch up with friends, co-workers or classmates you haven’t seen since you started dating your ex. This can establish a kind of safe, grounded “restore point” for your life, and make your relationship & breakup seem like a minor speed-bump on the journey of life.
- Visualize a positive post-relationship future. A breakup can be disorienting & the grief can sow a pessimistic outlook. Create new goals and things to look forward to. Visualize a strong, happy, healthy future you. Things are tough now, but it won’t last.
- Start dating or talking to new potential romantic partners. While rebound relationships are often just poor cover-ups for your grief, showing yourself that it’s actually possible to have a crush on someone else and consider your future together can be refreshing.
- Stay busy with distractions like work, hobbies, volunteer work or Netflix binges. When you’re exhausted of processing the feelings, occupy your mind on other things that can hold your focus.
- Focus on the your ex’s bad behavior, flaws, the reasons it didn’t work out & what conditions or boundaries you would demand in the future. Missing our ex can cause us to idealize them and the pain can wear our resolve away.
Support Your Brain’s Rewiring & Growth
- Embark on an exciting vacation, road trip, or some of your bucket list items.
- Read books, learn a musical instrument, learn a new language.
- Consider the positive gains: What did your time with your ex teach you or awaken in you, that may not have happened if your paths didn’t cross? What have you learned from your ex and the experience?
- Create a daily ritual in which you read aloud the important reasons why you are moving on. You can do this 3 x a day.
- Meditate. Take 10 minutes daily to pause, relax & focus on simply breathing.
Process Emotions
- Talk to friends who are good at listening. Most people have been through break-ups. You are not alone.
- Lean into the emotions, get curious & name the emotions. Become friends with the emotions.
- Grieve the loss, but also get in touch with the rage.
- Explore the hopes/desires involved & how your upbringing/past relationships may have contributed to toxic habits or addictions.
- Show yourself self-compassion. Hug yourself. Pamper yourself.