Pausing when you are upset or overwhelmed with emotion is useful trick to help you get on the road to self-regulation.

You will want to train yourself to pause when you start to feel the emotions well up, and this may take some time. It’s hard to pause, if you don’t remember to.

Ways to Pause

1. You can simply pause, which automatically assumes you are now self-aware of the fact that you are dysregulated. What are you feeling, thinking or sensing in your body?
2. Focus on your breath. The breath is a constant and easily identifiable body signal that can serve as a grounding point of focus. This is one reason it has been so central in meditation.
3. Count to 10, or 100. Counting is a common trick to help distract you and help you pause. (According to Michael Brown, this may not be the best method for anger.)

Benefits of Pausing

• Pausing gives you time to reconsider your actions. Emotions often hijack our senses, and give us a sense of urgency, which makes us want to act impulsively – sometimes in immature and punitive ways.  Holding off, even for a few seconds, can help us tap into our better selves, and respond with more calm and reason.
• Our rational brain needs time to engage. When we are walking in the woods and see a snake, neuroscientists say that our first reflex is run. It is only after we’ve started running, that our emotions engage and we feel fear. Our rational brains are last – and they can help us figure out ways to outsmart the snake. Because our rational brains lag, we need to give them some time to catch up.