Before we try to change, it may be helpful to appreciate the positives of how we feel, think and behave.
While it’s true that insecure styles may cause us hardship in our relationships, exhaust us, and can lead to long-term health issues, these natural, clever and self-protective adaptations offer us skills and experiences that may come in handy. Attachment styles are not disorders, they are our ways of maintaining as much relational safety as we could, despite the adverse environments of our early lives.
These advantages have taken years to develop – and some might see them as superpowers!
Reflect on the following:
- You experiences with an insecure attachment may help you relate and connect with others with similar styles and situations. You may be especially useful in offering empathy and emotional support to these people.
- Your history of hypervigilance may help you to develop a remarkable sensitivity to notice shifts in other people’s states of mind, as well as subtle emotional displays. Through curiosity and empathy, this can help you be a supportive friend or family member.
- Your history of self-reliance may have made you quite resourceful, competent and given you the skills to self-sooth in some useful ways. You may also develop an ability to assert boundaries.