Anxious Attachment – Attachment Maps

Causes

Inconsistent caregiving and/or overinvolvement in parent’s emotional state (child-parent role reversal)

Desire for a lot of closeness, both emotionally and physically
Easily overwhelmed
Sentimental and romantic, fantasizes about potential future together
People pleasing, accommodating (initiates less and defers to partner)
Takes blame easily, apologizes often
Will often make excuses for partner’s behavior, or is eager to forgive
Remembers partners transgressions and keeps them as ammunition
Preoccupation with worst-case scenarios, like rejection
Preoccupied with thinking about, or figuring out partner
Deep resentment at lack of responsiveness and availability
Sensitive to changes in other people’s moods
Waiting for the other shoe to drop (feels lucky to have attention and fears it will be followed by more neglect)
Relationship always seems precarious/fragile and fears confrontation, or minor mistakes, could spell the end
Overshares, needs constant catharsis
Needs a lot of reassurance and daily contact
Will keep texting if response is not immediate
Afraid of being selfish or rejecting through boundaries or self-care
Self-sacrificing in relationships, often with a savior complex
Feels responsible for emotional state of partner or parent
Instinctual self-blame, feels guilt and remorse easily
Maintain connection at all costs; heartbroken when any connection is lost
Jealous, suspicious of ex partners and
Miserable when not in a relationship

When partner starts to withdraw, the anxious partner will try harder, or act out in protest

Continues to reach out, even if partner is explicit about needing space
Continued contact usually consists of emotional, desperate tone, ex “I miss you. Please let me know what I can do to support you right now. Why can’t we just talk about this?”
Begs for explanation of observed behavior
Deeply analyses behavior, even when facts are scarce

Protesting behaviors

Pretends to be distant or busy as revenge for partner’s unavailability
Has difficulty explaining or bringing up feelings. Expects partner to read subtle cues or hints of anger or grievance, gets upset if partner can’t read mind
Preemptively breaks up when feeling insecure, but then gets back together within weeks, or threatens breakup
Pretends to be fine until feelings of hurt become too much, then explodes
Misinterprets partner behavior as rejecting

Suffocating

Provokes a feeling of judgment over their lack of independence, resourcefulness, self-reliance

Provokes suspicion, judgment and annoyance over their rational mind being compromised by desperate or overbearing emotional drives for intimacy

“I will be rejected.”

“I will be betrayed.”

“I will be abandoned.”

Low view of self; high view of others